Why teenage boys keep saying ‘I’m fine’ — and the emotional damage it causes

As Dr Girish Banwari, a psychiatrist based in Dubai explains: Boys are moulded by social and cultural expectations. And as a teenager, considering the identity is still being formed, there’s a pervasive sense of maleness. “They believe: ‘I should not be the one to break. I need to fix things’.” This suppression can turn brutally exhaustive, wearing them down in time and even impairing relationships around them.

They value independence, strength and emotional control, explains Dr Lopez. “When they experience sadness, fear, or insecurity, they may interpret those emotions as ‘weakness’ and shut down instead. Peer pressure and even family dynamics, such as being the older brother, can also contribute, as boys may feel an added pressure to appear strong or ‘in control.”

They’re often told things like ‘It’s not that bad,’ ‘Come on, be a man,’ or ‘Boys don’t cry.’ These comments discourage emotional expression and reinforce the idea that showing emotions equals vulnerability and that vulnerability is unsafe. By the teenage years, this habit is deeply internalised. As a result, ‘I’m fine’ often reflects a lifelong pattern of emotional self-silencing, one that can easily be passed on to the next generation if not addressed. We tend to associate emotional strength with not showing emotions, which is not true at all.

“Real emotional strength is the ability to recognise, express, and manage feelings in a healthy way,” explains Dr Lopez.

As Dr Banwari explains, there are subtle signs that it is a deeper emotional struggle, rather than just moodiness. You see the signs of social aloofness, aggression, which in time leads to fractured relationships, he adds. “They are trying to help themselves, instead of seeking help from others,” he explains. Seeking help from anyone else is a weakness.

Dubai-based Anshula Mehta a homemaker and mum to three boys, noticed the first red flags. Her youngest son seemed quite cheerful on the surface. He was eating well, faring decently in academics and spending time with friends. But, she couldn’t put a finger on it. There was something strained about his smile and sense of humour. The jokes were turning self-deprecatory slowly, though he insisted that he was fine.

As she later found out, he was being quietly bullied in class. Bullied for his looks, academics, and by his friends, no less. And it was beginning into eat into his self-worth. “I told him to break off from those friends, immediately,” she said.

The signs might seem subtle, but they exist:

Furthermore, if a teenage boy isolates himself in his room, eats alone, avoids family time, stays glued to screens, appears sad, withdraws from friends and family, experiences disrupted sleep, shows little interest in his appearance—or becomes overly preoccupied with it—loses interest in daily activities, becomes unusually quiet, or reacts with tantrums during most conversations, these are clear signs of emotional struggle and difficulty coping, explains Varsani.

When “I’m fine” is paired with withdrawal, physical complaints, or emotional volatility, it often means the opposite.

A father, or any important male figure needs to show that it is alright to express emotion and vulnerability, explains Dr Banwari. “That’s how they learn.

Fathers and male role models who model communication, emotional expression, and vulnerability, by talking openly about stress, mistakes, or worries, give boys permission to do the same.