When oversharing in new friendships breeds control

 As Dr Saliha Afridi, clinical psychologist, founder and the director of Lighthouse Arabia explains: Oversharing, for starters is when you share more and faster than the trust that is built in the relationship at the time. There is no safety, reciprocity to warrant those kinds of disclosure. “And yes, some people desperately want to be seen, and want to feel close to the other so they offer more about themselves than the container of the relationship can hold,” she says.

 Dubai-based Samya Shariff recalls a curious position that she was once in. She became friends with a colleague. Within days, they had swapped life stories, which included parent’s divorces, deaths that scarred them, estranged siblings and broken relationships. “It was very intense, and I normally wouldn’t have, but when he started, I felt like I needed to share with him too. The thought started entering my mind, if someone is confiding in me, shouldn’t I reciprocate?”

 Shariff admits that this anxiety stemmed from her own psychological makeup: The fear of being alone and without friends. And, the relief, that someone trusted her with something so delicate. “It was exhausting, and we just kept having these sage conversations that I believed was strengthening our friendship. But looking back, we didn’t even have a friendship.”  

This mirrors Dr Afridi’s sentiments: The more personal, raw, or exposed the feelings, the more visibility it receives. To be relatable, they engage in personal disclosures, which gives a sense of connection and approval.

Oversharing triggers neurochemical responses, tricking the person into believing that the connection feels real, even when there’s no history of reliability or boundaries, which are all needed for true intimacy. Instead, we cherish the exalted feeling of believing that our friendship is unusual and special, when in reality, the foundations are weak and fraying.

 Sometimes, that rush of emotional confession is simply a way to paper over what’s not working between two people.

As Ezgi Firat, a clinical psychologist based at the Hummingbird Clinic Dubai explains, the beginning of a relationship may evoke early anxieties. These feelings might be difficult to tolerate. “To ignore that discomfort, one might rush the relationship forward, hoping closeness will soothe the anxiety. When intimacy is rushed, the connection may feel as if it is strong but lacks the foundation to handle conflicts that a real enough relationship requires,” she says.

Misunderstandings occur. Disappointment builds, because expectations grow faster, because there is a lack of trust. The irony: This haste is to be a guard against rejection and uncertainty, but unfortunately, it easily results in the very outcome that was feared.

It becomes a little too burdensome to bear. Dr Ezgi Firat adds,  “As adults, we are often less aware of our inner world than we assume, and our emotions or behaviours may operate outside of our conscious awareness. In this state, someone may unknowingly expect the other person to hold or manage feelings they themselves cannot contain.”

 The relationship is imbalanced. It resembles the early developmental pattern, in which a caregiver carries a child’s fears and anxieties. “It can position the person who overshares in a dependent role. In such cases, excessive disclosure may pressure or manipulate the other person into taking responsibility for emotional needs that are not theirs to carry,” Dr Firat adds.

 Firat emphasises the importance of timing and context: “Healthy relationships respects context, power dynamics, and consent… it leaves space for choice—it allows the other person to stay present, set limits, or take time, without emotional pressure.”

 When we think about emotional openness, we often imagine sharing our feelings freely in hopes of being heard and understood. Yet genuine frankness cannot exist without boundaries around timing and vulnerability.  Meriam Atef, psychologist, weighs in:

“Sharing too much, too soon can overwhelm the listener and create the sense of having emotions ‘dumped’ onto them. When this happens early in a relationship, it can feel like ‘too much, too fast,’ prompting the other person to step back and reassess their capacity for closeness.”

  Learning when and how to share allows us to consider the relationship, the context, and the other person’s emotional availability. You build a relationship through the joy of little small talk that evolve into deeper conversations over time, spending time with each other, because you want to, not out of compulsion.

 As Dr Afridi explains:  We learn how to communicate in relationships, and oversharing is a learned response and an adaptation. For people who grew up with inconsistent attachment, relational trauma, or have spent long periods feeling lonely and feeling unseen, sharing deeply and quickly can feel like the fastest way to create connection and relieve the pain of being unseen.

 In the moment, it brings real emotional relief.

 As psychologist Meriam Atef reminds us, intimacy isn’t something you fast-forward. True closeness grows in the quiet, ordinary moments—when someone shows up, listens without rushing, respects the quiet and stays steady through the highs and lows. These small, repeated experiences teach the nervous system that the relationship is a safe place. And it’s only in that safety that deeper confidences can unfold naturally.

When we stop relying on intense disclosures to manufacture connection, we make space for intimacy that’s grounded, mutual, and emotionally sustainable. The slow path isn’t just healthier—it’s the one that lasts.