Why you might not last long in Hawkins (Thanks Demorgorgons)

We could channel our inner Eleven or sprint like Mike and Dustin, but, sigh, the average person trips over their own shoelaces. Demogorgons are terrifyingly fast, and there’s no chance we would  outrun them through the woods at night. Maybe if we had Steve Harrington’s hair, they’d be distracted… maybe. Otherwise we’re dinner. (You really need to have main character energy for this…literally)

If we’re talking climbing into a government lab full of secret experiments, our odds drop significantly. We’re not equipped with psychic powers, and our strategy of ‘walk slowly and hope no one notices’.  probably won’t work. This is officially a “call 911, not 1980s kids squad” moment.

If we’re talking climbing into a government lab full of secret experiments, our odds drop significantly. We’re not equipped with psychic powers, and our strategy of ‘walk slowly and hope no one notices’.  probably won’t work. This is officially a “call 911, not 1980s kids squad” moment.

If you’ve mastered Dubai Mall, you’ve done it all. Hawkin’s Mall is easy. Shopping sprees, arcade games, or sneaking a snack at Scoops Ahoy, is manageable. We can dodge bullies and maybe even score a few points on the arcade leaderboard—no supernatural forces needed.

Sleepovers are fun until the lights flicker and something growls in the hallway. If we stick with friends who are smart, resourceful, and slightly telekinetic, we would probably survive… but our overuse of snacks and Netflix marathons might slow us down.

Yeah you’re done for. Telekinesis? Mind control? Long hair and creepy vibes? No training montage is going to save us here. The best we could do is hide… or hope Eleven shows up. Run up that hill, folks.